Wow, session 5 of the Leadership Summit (called “Tough Callings”) just finished, and it messed me up. Something is stirring deep inside.
I had the opportunity to help lead the first few minutes of the session (reading from Colossians 1, the Charlie Hall song “Center,” and the classic “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”) with a killer team of some of my favorite people. I love our team. And I’m not sure how it sounded around the country, but the people here in South Barrington sang their hearts out.
After a few more songs, I found my seat and got ambushed by the stories, songs, and prayers of people who have received hard callings…people who have given up everything to serve the poor and most forgotten people on earth. One after another, these stories pushed and pulled me into some deep and uncomfortable places, and I’m still feeling it. Here’s the question I can’t get beyond…
Am I in the place I am in, doing what I’m doing, because God
has called me? Or is this the best gig I can find?
Am I following Jesus into the life he’s made me to live, or am I just unconsciously drifting from “what I think is best” to “what feels right” to “what makes the most sense?” Is it possible that I’m living the kind of comfortable life I’ve always wanted to live, but just overlaying spiritual language on top of it? When I pray “God, what do you want me to do?,” am I actually saying “God, here’s what I’m going to do…please bless it?” I’m not sure. These are heavy questions that I need to keep digging into.
Thanks for the grace to let me wrestle with all this out loud. What do you think? Do you ever feel a similar tension in your life?